Feeling So Frustrated

A month ago. A MONTH AGO is when I could have had the application submitted.

Then, as of RIGHT NOW SpeakCharity would be IN THE RUNNING to win that $50,000 grant, instead of waiting on the sidelines for June 1st. I mean ugh what is the MATTER with me?? I told myself to do that grant app a LONG time ago! I just didn't follow through. Sigh.

I prolly shouldn't beat myself up for it though. I could have expected this to happen....I mean, Pepsi isn't exactly a small name, you know? And this is just greater motivation for me, for Speak, to be well prepared when we start running.

I can also put Speak up for other grants and stuff....you know, this may not be all that bad.

Lord God, you haven't failed me or Speak yet. So how's about I just hand you this one and see where we go next?

I think that sounds dandy.

Moving With Purpose

I sat at the bus station staring at the Honda logo that blocked my vision of the sky. Its shiny chrome curves and razor sharp edges glistened in the sunlight, laughing, nearly mocking me.

It's funny, because the bus I was waiting for was the one that would take me to my 2003 Honda Accord - my Maximus, my baby.

"We'll see who's laughing once my foot hits that pedal," I thought to myself, as the bus sped down the road, bringing me closer to the car I never thought I'd have.

It's funny the curveballs life throws at you. If anyone had told me a year ago that I would be driving this sleek windbreaker, hosting a successful fashion show, and preparing for a semi-nationwide fashion show tour, I would have told them they'd lost their minds.

However, here I stand, doing just that.

I'll admit, sometimes life is hard, and throws things at me that I wish I could smack right back....but I'm grateful for them. They've made me who I am, and brought me people I'll cherish for life.

As of right now, myself and my new partner-brother Oscar are working towards getting everything ready for the Speak Tour. It's going to be epic, and I'm so excited I could just explode.

A week ago I would have been scared spitless to be doing something this incredible. However, after having a fashion show that was almost nearly IMPOSSIBLE, I can take on the world.

Not think I can, but I CAN.

Look out world. SpeakCharity's Coming (and Rebecca's pulling the reins).

Rejuvenated

myViibe: [[Soldier of Love - Sade]]

So I'm back in action. Can't really be back in black, since I've "technically" been black all my life.
I realized that a lot of the drama that I feel I go through in my life is actually all in my head. When I step back from the negativity and focus on the amazingness that is this life God has blessed me with, I realize there is no reason for all of this nonsense.

I'm kind of glad I'm learning so many wisdom nuggets in such a short period of time. I feel like this senior year has been nothing but training for the future for me. It's great.

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My fashion show was two days ago. This is how it went:


'Nuff said.

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Lately, I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that I've had more women tell me that they're interested in me than I have men over the course of my lifetime. This one guy, this loserface of a KID who doesn't even know me, told my friend he was SURE I was gay.

For a long time I sat and I wondered what the heck I was doing wrong to come off as homosexual. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them, but I for one am VERY inclined to the male sex. Females are interesting but at the end of the day they can't do much for you. That's my take.

If so, why were people getting the wrong vibe?

At first I blamed my body: I've got the build of a small man when it comes to my arms and legs, and am technically stronger than most of my male friends. Not cuz I try, not cuz I take steroids or nothin.....that's just the way that goes.

But as I thought about it more I realized something - I'm different to him. I don't get all dressed up with makeup on my face everyday, flirting with every guy in sight, trying to pick up a man (or a few men). Instead I've got my head in the books and stay focused on my plans for the future, even missing the guys who make moves towards me.

Wow, instead of him thinking I'm MOTIVATED, he thinks I'm gay. What a world.

I was going to change myself at first - start wearing more dresses, makeup, flirting, the whole nine yards. However, after I realized that I knew there was nothing that needed to be changed. The kid's dumb. Really dumb. And I'm smart, and motivated, and moving towards the future like you wouldn't believe. At the end of the day, he's just another guy that can't handle that.

Kudos to me and my non-gay self.
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Speaking of MOVING TOWARDS THE FUTURE (and speaking), the SpeakCharity fashion show was two days ago! OMGAWWWW it was such a success! I couldn't believe how well it went, how AWESOME it was!!!

There were some technical difficulties for half an hour, but the show couldn't have gone better.

I mean, when I think back at everything I went through to make this show possible, it shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened at all.

However, God had different plans, and made this the jumpoff for SpeakCharity.

Now I'm trying to see if I can get a "Speaking Charity" tour going and do some other fancy stuff for fashion as art and charity. It'll be interesting to see if I and my new team can pull it off.

I think we can though. After what happened with this show, I think we can do anything.

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Well, that's my schpiel for the night. I haven't written in forever, so I wanted to be sure I came on here and updated.

Sleepytime, loves. G'noite.